How long before we fall?
by RazorLike
Summary: "The magic we had was so fragile, I knew that. I always hoped it would last for ever, but I was younger back then, and naïve." Rating T just to be on the safe side.


_**Hi there! It's been a while! I finished watching Nana today(actually I spent three days in a row in order to finish it, I was really eager to see the end) and that story just came rishing in my mind!**_

_**I hope you like it, it's my first Nana fic!**_

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><p><strong>How long before we fall?<strong>

Sid Vicious…he was a great bass player. Others say he was just a drug addict, but I only want to listen to his songs, even so many wears after his death. He had a girlfriend, Nancy, and he was playing the bass for Sex Pistols, one of my favorite bands.

He also wore the same padlock as Ren. I know because I gave it to him, so he would be mine. I was really selfish back then, thinking of him like my property.

But, then again, I bet it was the Demon Lord's doing, because I still believe I own him.

**...**

The bell rung and I hopefully raised my head looking at the door. The Sex Pistols' CD in my hands started trembling. Or it was my hands that were trembling. Either way, I just abandoned the CD on the nearest table and rushed to the door. _'He would never leave knowing I am inside'_, that's what I told myself.

But I wanted to see him.

Once I opened the door and faced his stoic smile, I hugged him tightly. His leather jacket was silk underneath my fingertips.

"Ren…" I whispered, taking in his scent. I felt his arms circling my waist and he pulled me closer.

"You thought I wouldn't come, Nana?"

I sometimes think that he can read my mind, this man. I don't have to utter my doubts when I'm with him, nor my questions. The strange thing about Ren and me is that we communicate with no need of words.

"I'm happy you came." Yet I sound so pathetic even to my own ears. As a strong woman, I should just calmly welcome him, not throw myself at him. As a strong woman I should be thanking him for coming, even so late at night, not tearing up at the fact he came. As a strong woman I should have never took off his clothes, nor mines, I shouldn't have drugged him in my room like some kind of lunatic, shouldn't so easily get laid!

But I'm not a strong woman, so I ended up clinging to his body, pleading for some salvation while being held against his chest, begged for a short trip to Heaven*****. A trip with a one way ticket, just like my ticket to Tokyo.

**…**

I thought he was asleep, so I lit up a cig. Just one. I hoped it wouldn't ruin my voice.

_'It's just for once.'_ That's what I always liked to think. Everything in my life had lasted only for one time. But hearing the light snoring from the man next to me, I knew at least one thing that wasn't for once.

I frowned and took a puff, blowing the smoke to the ceiling. What a nasty, sweet taste. Come to think of it, only Yasu had never complained about those. I huffed.

_'Black Stones, huh?'_

If I had that tobacco company, I would choose a prettier name for those cigs; to prevent foolish bands from choosing the name. No band would want to be called "Smokey Eyes" after all. I laughed lightly at the thought.

"You sound so angelic when you laugh…." Ren whispered. I turned to him and I met with his sleepy eyes.

"You dummy, you're awake?"

He sighed and pulled the sheets closer to his body. "…Something that always opposes your general behavior…" he commented.

"What was that?"

"Nothing really…."

The magic in that twisted way of living, the so called relationship, between Ren and me, is that we don't need to mean what we say. We do, anyway, say what we want, and don't care about a damn thing. More importantly, we don't care about what the other may think. We know each other.

"Hey, Ren…" I called, and I felt him turn towards me. I was sure he would be lying with an arm curled under his head, the other toying with his padlock. But his eyes would be only on me.

"What is it?"

"How long..?"

The magic we had was so fragile, I knew that. I always hoped it would last for ever, but I was younger back then, and naïve. I wanted the world on a silver plate, and so I wanted Ren. I was Black Stone's Nana then. The singer, the vocalist. The punk. Ren's lover.

In the end I didn't know who I was. It was all a façade and I had to maintain it. But things change. May it be me, or Ren. We changed.

Or maybe it was the Demon Lord Hatchi was so afraid off. Nothing is sure like it was, and I'm starting to get this weird feeling one gets when he's nearing the end of a book and doesn't know what's written in the last page.

"Nana…" His hands crept up to hold my face, and I curled against his warmth like a child, helplessly beging for sleep to come and wash it all away. "It's all right. Tell me."

"I feel…strange…I feel like everything around me changes and I can do nothing but stare at the surroundings. I see my friends get separated, choosing sides instead of friendship."

Suddenly I felt his hand holding mine. I had always admired his fingers for the grace they moved on the bass chords. A grace I never had, but always lusted after.

"Hatchi got married, with Takumi of all people. Nobu has given up on her, doing absolutely nothing for himself. Yasu.."

I didn't really know about Yasu. He never wanted me to worry about his personal life. I didn't even know if he was dating someone.

"Yasu is Yasu, I suppose…" Ren shrugged and chuckled at the statement. Maybe he knew something I didn't?

"Shin has become a total stranger out of the blue, and he sells himself every night. You-"

"I" he cut me "I still love you and only you, Nana." He hushed me.

I kind of expected that sort of answer. Always the same, sentimental, sensitive Ren. Maybe that's why I fell so hard for him.

"I know you do." I coed "but it's still strange. And I come to wonder…How long before we fall, Ren?" I whispered and snuggled closer to him. "In the end, it's inevidable for us to change, too."

He hummed low in his throat and pulled me closer against him. "Some things never change." He simply said.

I wonder…Is it real that some people get to love one another till the end of their lives? I know many people that break up and never talk again. I'm the sort of woman that needs to patch up with people, and so is Ren. But is it enough?

"How long, Ren?"

I know he must think I'm crazy. I never was sane, to start up with, but he loved me for who I really was. Can that change too?

"Never. Is never enough for you, Nana?"

_'When I looked into your eyes, Ren, they were bright like the stars outside my window. You know I love your eyes, right Ren? Probably as much as you like mines…'_

"Promise me."

He smiled. When Ren smiles, something good is to come.

"I promise, you silly woman."

_'You know that I like it when you call me that, don't you, Ren? You do it on purpose. But I'm grateful, because you can ease my pain and my doubts like this. It's so easy for you, I'm jealous. I wish I could support myself like you support me and yourself both. It seems you're stronger than me…'_

I closed my eyes and lied next to him, with my side touching him. I almost felt the energy flowing from his body to creep up my veins to my heart. Ren wished to make me stronger with his smile and promise. He never thought my fears were silly. I know because he is afraid of losing what's dear to him, too.

It's just that Ren can cope with his feelings….

**…**

When I woke up, I didn't expect to see him in the bed. I thought he would have left for a rehearsal with Trapnest. But he was sleeping, soundlessly, hands under the pillow, covers pilled up in the edges of the bed. His padlock was sprawled on the sheets, shining in the dim sunlight.

"So you stayed…" I whispered and left a peck on his back. He smiled in his sleep and nuzzled against the pillow. I got up and put on his loose, white shirt. It smelled like him...

A while later, the hot tea was warming my hands, while the aroma of orange flowers was filling the wide kitchen. He had bought that tea especially for me, knowing I loved it. He, on the other hand, hated orange flavored tea…

"How long before we fall, Ren…?"

The pain in my chest had eased, but somewhere in the corners of my mind, the slight tear of losing him was shining vividly. It had all went too smoothly for us till now, though no normal people would call our relationship 'normal'. But we knew no better.

_'I wish I could hold the moments we're together for even. I know you wouldn't like something like that, though, so I just let them pass us by. You like to go where the wind takes you. Then why did you ask me to marry you back then?'_

I wish I could find the answer to that question. Maybe it would help me understand myself a little better. I used to say that I like to evolve and never settle. Then why did I give him that Padlock? Wasn't it a move to make him mine, to lock him up?

It's all the Demon Lord's doing, I'm sure of it now. He forced us to change, to want to settle, to lose sight of the things we needed when we were younger.

And the fear threatens to suffocate me again.

"How long before we fall…?"

But then I think of that big, bright smile Ren wore last night._ 'Is never enough for you?'_ he had asked me.

Maybe, just maybe we can make it. Maybe Hatchi changed, but she still smiles like an idiot when she sees me. Nobu is no longer with her, but he still likes to comfort people. Shin is still a caring child, no matter how many women he sleeps with. Yasu….

Damn, I don't have a thing to say about him. It's just so flowless a world when it comes to him!

And Ren…Ren says he still loves me and only me.

I sipped at my tea and raised my eyes from the cup. I knew he was standing on the doorframe.

"So, Ren…." I smiled at him, and for once my fear got a little smaller and curled up in a tight ball somewhere in my mind. "I think_ never_ is good as long as we can spent_ forever_ together…"

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><p><strong>*<strong>An euphemism used in Japan for two people having an orgasm together.

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><p><em><strong>It's short…but really wanted to give it some optimistic thought! Anyway, I had fun writing it!<strong>_

_**So, time to sleep. It's 4.10 am here, and I'm pretty tired!**_

_**Till my next st**__**ory**_

_**xxx**_


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